ASOS Returns

I spend half my life returning things. Online shopping has become my preferred means of acquiring expensive and unnecessary items, and since most brands now offer free returns too (..except Missguided, *gives angry eyes*), I tend to go a bit overboard. ASOS is always, and has always been, my number one online shopping destination. I’m also a premier member, so not only do I have my free returns, but also free next day delivery! I take WAAAAAY too much advantage of this. Example: for my boyfriend’s graduation I ordered a total of TWENTY THREE dresses and returned twenty two of them. I am probably one of their most hated customers. But, as someone who prefers trying things on in the comfort of their own home and being able to run upstairs going “what do you think?!”, I probably won’t be stopping any time soon.

My latest order had Spring in mind, and included a really lovely Motel pinafore and bustier playsuit of rockabilly style. Unfortunately, both pieces are going back to ASOS ASAP! Here’s why:

Narla dress in Santorini by Motel, reduced to £24

I loved this dress as soon as I saw it – the colours are very, very me. Good cut too, as a-lines suit my body shape better than anything bodycon.

Looking at the dress on the model, I knew it was super short and this originally put me off buying it (it’s been in my ‘saved’ items for weeks). ASOS tells you how tall the models are though – and she’s 5ft10! I convinced myself that this would be fine on me, as I’m a bit over 5ft8. Yeah, it wasn’t. My butt was actually out! There was no way that I could have worn this outside, and any hint of a breeze would’ve had to completely up.

Also, and I suppose this was my own error, I had assumed that this would be of fairly sturdy material, being a pinafore and all. Wrong: it was very light weight fabric, the kind you’d expect from an H&M £12.99 beach dress. In the photo, the white looks particularly bright,  so I think I had assumed that I was denim. Though, even if it had been denim, it was still going back as it didn’t cover my ass.

Before being on sale, this was being sold for £35, and I find that really difficult to agree with. Flimsy too-short dress (literally shorter than skirts and dresses from petite sections), simply made (no buckles as you might get on a pinafore or dungarees, no pockets, no pattern matching on the waistband) ..yet £35? Again, the kind of thing I would expect in H&M for no more than £15.

Polka Dot Belted Playsuit by Girl in Mind, reduced to £18

I really liked this playsuit – retro polka dots and belt, little bit rockabilly, and easy to imagine myself flouncing about in it with a floppy hat, big sunglasses and red lipstick (I especially liked the idea of me driving an open topped red BMW in it, too). I love playsuits and own a lot – I liked that I’d be able to wear this throughout the year too, as it’s easy to imagine with tights on underneath.

Unfortunately, not quite the way it worked out.

When I got it out of the box, I was surprised by how floppy the package was. And that was because this was totally unstructured, with some crummy light padding in the chest (felt a bit styrofoam-y). It was like a cheap chiffon, floaty and thin, and with no pattern matching.

I don’t know when pattern matching became such a big deal to me (though it was probably after I got hooked on the show Sewing Bee), but now once I spot an unmatched pattern I just cannot unsee it. The lowest point of this playsuit was the fact it didn’t fit properly. Though not super tall, I’m just under 5ft9, I have a disproportionately long torso and little hobbit legs. This playsuit was not only giving me major camel toe (no picture included to save your eyes), but my boobs were mostly out! Also I was bummed because I was so sure I’d be able to free-boob it, thinking that the chest would be padded and structured enough – but nope, not unless they shrunk down to an A or small B.

All in all, a shame. Poor ASOS, always having to deal with my returns. Happy shopping all x


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