another 4AM word play / ft. enjambement lousy punctuation and lack of capitalisation / sucked into cyberspace,
I am so short sighted in my left eye that it is quite ridiculous.
soft spine, highlighted works and bent pages, there are few words in this book that are not [still] relevant. I am pleased with this evening, disappointed with the weekend.
too much too much /
it is not enough to be here and to be alive, it is not enough
I cannot appreciate it.
I cannot read, to write is exhausting, but I must do well and then do better still,
my dreams have progressed, no longer background noise they are disturbing and abstract. Lucy in the Sky and Monty Python meats gore, that fairground-gone-wrong aesthetic. holes in my face and my teeth, endless racing and candyland horrors blocking exits.
the last scene of Les Mis, but my daddy in a hospital bed, me blonde and sobbing into white blankets. mother has a hole in her eye and is booked in for surgery the day before my birthday, last year my father almost died; age has never terrified me more.
so many goals. back to school, more numbers. don’t complain about weight if you keep eating and sitting / don’t complain about grades if you skip classes and don’t read / different game same rules.
again, again, again. back again, I’m back again.
Turning into my mother, I have now progressed to taking things out of the oven with my bare hands.
today I am a ball of energy; sometimes delightful, sometimes smug, sometimes wall-punching.
next week is so delightfully busy. careers, networking, AGM, classes, assignment due, a housewarming, another friend visiting, a predicted phonecall for travel plans.
200 pages plus of reading to do, but still so many shows to watch and ceilings to stare at.
Been sketching happily away, playing with make up, snacking on strawberry shoelaces, watching only the good stuff, and successfully avoiding everything I’m meant to be doing.
How are we going into week three of uni already. Time is wild. I’m getting itchy feet, I would like to travel and soon. Even just a longer than normal train ride will do.
I am excited for February, I have good feelings about it.